I got back from Barcelona on Tuesday. I had a fantastic time, met some great people, but also had 24 hours ruined by a pickpocket stealing my iPhone; cue police stations, a lack of Catalan-speaking skills and sweltering heat. What possessed me, when I got back home, to rent Movie 43 I will never know – maybe it was a form of self-harm – however, I had to see what the fuss was about….and boy, was I not expecting the extent of what I actually saw.
Movie 43 is the most misjudged, confusing, insulting and boring movie I have ever seen. Period. Even the name, Movie 43, stinks of mediocrity. What was sold as THE BIGGEST CAST EVER ASSEMBLED was actually a half-arsed anthology film that delivered fecal jokes, farts, boobs, dicks and balls, racism, sexism, leprechaunism, and zero intelligent humour. Honestly, throughout the hellishly arduous runtime I found myself questioning how on Earth someone greenlit this screenplay beyond a first draft. The wrap-around story in the UK version – teenagers looking for the banned film Movie 43 ‘it will make you rip your dick off!’ – was like watching amateur ad-lib, and the stellar cast (all facetiousness aside) involved with each segment of shit jokes and ‘laughs’ – one section was actually child abuse – weren’t much better (bar a pretty convincing-cum-WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING performance from Emma Stone).
This film is just an orgy of awful. Outrageous comedy doesn’t have to poke fun an minorities or make jokes about ‘gross’ periods. How long will it be until the skeletons of Hollywood realise that shit isn’t funny? Well, not in your face shit, because subtle shit can sometimes be hilarious. But everything in Movie 43, including its shit, is turned up to children’s TV presenter levels of obnoxious self-loathing. There is only so long you can watch a cartoon cat masturbate over pictures of Josh Duhamel in swimming trunks. Or watch the respected Broadway actor/Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, complete with balls hanging off his neck (this is played completely straight), take the Oscar winning actress, Kate Winslet, on a date. Those are spoilers, however there honestly is nothing to spoil.
I think the main problem with this movie is that, much like Disaster Movie, it’s going to build up a reputation for being so bad it is good. It is not. Movie 43, despite having one of the biggest ensemble casts of actors, comedy stars and Johnny Knoxville, should be locked up in a steel tub and sunk to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.