As film lovers, bloggers and decent human beings we always try and see a film through to its conclusion. You can’t judge a film if you haven’t seen the whole thing right? This list begs to differ. Here are some of the films that no love nor money could make us watch all the way till the end…
1) The Sitter – This film is a lesson in how not to make a comedy. For a comedy to be funny either you bring funny characters into a mundane situation or you bring normal characters into a funny/over the top situation. This film strings together the most ludicrous people (the kid makes bombs?!! WHAT??!!!) with the most insultingly far-fetched yet predictable of plots. I don’t know how this finished and I don’t care. Adventures in Babysitting this is not. Jonah Hill I like you but just no. No. Bad Jonah Hill. Bad.
2) The Double – This is probably getting rather short shrift from me, and doesn’t really deserve to be on a list with some of these absolute howlers, however I can’t pretend that I saw this through all the way to the end. I didn’t even make it to half an hour. This film isn’t so much bad, it’s just been done before, a lot better. It’s boring, clichéd and Richard Gere started to get on my nerves after 10 minutes. I wondered why I had never heard of it when I spotted it on TV and now I know why… Sorry Rich, seeing you like this was too painful..
3) The Hottie and The Nottie – Don’t think we really need to rehash this again but for those who haven’t had the joy of hearing us say it the first time then here it is again. This film may be the worst film I have ever seen. I spent most of the film fast-forwarding through someone saying something douchey so managed to watch the entire film in about 15 minutes. Name a group or minority; this film insulted them. All this film does is show Paris Hilton wanking herself off and we all have to watch. With a gun against my head I couldn’t say one nice thing about The Hottie and The Nottie.
4) High School the Musical – Ok so I may not be the target market for this all singing, all dancing, corny, cliche, cheese-fest of a film, but I’m a firm believer that, when a family movie is done well it appeals to adults and kids alike (er hello most things Pixar makes!). This is so sugary, sickly, void of any tangible cynicism and difficult for an adult to digest I simply got annoyed and turned it off. I am a huge fan of musicals but this has zero integrity as a musical for all ages, and for me will always be a film for the under 10’s. I will forever be grateful, however, as it gifted us with Zac Efron. So thank you for that!
5) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) – Now, this film is probably the best film on the list. However, after spending a good 12 hours (it took a while to recover from each film) with my emotions invested into the Swedish language versions of The Millenium Trilogy, I found Fincher’s remake offered nothing more than better cinematography and a selection of questionable accents. I am not a hipster, but I feel this was a pointless remake of a perfectly acceptable Swedish film. I turned off 70 minutes in when I saw the movie was going to finish in 2018.
6) Grindstone Road – Shit. Didn’t last 15 minutes.
7) Anuvahood – Adam Deacon, stick to your London accent and shitty chav roles. This was one of the most embarrassing things to come out of London since Boris Johnson got stuck on a zipline. No wonder we had riots; they were probably all looking for Deacon to try and merk him. And for the cultured, ‘merk’ means to beat up, not supply him with a reliable German-made automobile.
8) Hostel Part III – To be fair, Hostel was a pretty groundbreaking horror movie. However, by the third iteration of the series there was no heart and, by the looks of things, no money left. Boring, even the gore was half-arsed. I felt compelled to turn it off because I remembered I had more interesting things to do, like to watch dust float past the crack of light between my curtains.
9) The Promotion – My girlfriend loves shitty movies, and not ‘so bad they are good’ movies. Just shitty movies. *Jumps down from high horse*. That’s why it surprised me when she was the one that suggested we turn this off. What didn’t surprise me is that she suggest we watch it in the first place…
10) The Raven –
“Did I add this or did you add this?! Totally started watching this the other day and didn’t finish it…. well confused!! Apologies if I’m having a moment and this was me. John Cusack needs a punch in the face in this film.”
If two of us turned off this shit then what hope does it have? Just rubbish. Nothing more, nothing less.